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Section 1 - personal details
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Indicates required field
Name
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First
Last
What is your age?
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Sort of near 50 but not if you see what i mean?
Prefer to lie
SECTION 2 - SECURITY QUESTIONNAIRE
Do you like rotund hairy men tickling your face with their back hair?
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Yes
No
Are you a citizen in the principality of Laddingford or one if its Olympians?
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Yes
No
Do you take an inordinate amount of pictures of yourself?
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Yes
No
Have you ever lived in or around Paddock Wood and insisted it’s Brenchley?
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Yes
No
Have you ever left a curly man and his daughter crying by the side of the road?
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Yes
No
What is the technical term for this act?
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Have you ever, intentionally crashed into someone, buggered them up a bit (and yourself) and denied you had anything to do with it?
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Yes
No
Have you ever cycled into a field of cows?
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Yes
No
Does your face tell the temperature?
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Yes
No
Have you ever ripped up a (very expensive) tablecloth with a drone?
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Yes
No
section 3 - how dirty are you?
What's the dirtiest thing you have ever done?
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section 4 - really important questions
What are the consequences of violating the Dirty Dozen code?
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Have you seen Johns willy?
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Yes
No
I think I caught a glimpse
Would you like to see it?
YES
NO
Please explain why you have not attended ALL tours?
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section 5 - statement of interest
In the unlikely event that there is a draw the statement of interest will be considered. In no more than 5,000 words explain why you want to join the Dirty Dozen and what skills and strengths you can bring to the organisation. You
may wish to
include the following; “give away my own money”, “butt chafe”, Royston and (not and) crimpled.
essay here
*
section 6 - solemn declaration
I, the undersigned, hereby vow to give my life over to The Dirty Dozen. I will serve and honor them as I would my own Kin. I will (make) love and cherish each and every member and their member. I will not marry outside of the bloodline (unless I have webbed feet) and promise to observe the holy day of Grizzle in which “tears shall flow for 1,000 years”.
I give myself wholly, living the way the grand Grizzler* lived; obediently, communally, chastely, and with great inward and outward simplicity. I am also willing to be set on fire in case the others get a bit cold.
As a Dirty Dozen member, I will follow the orders from a superior, our obedience is a quality of soul which makes us willing to put our own desires aside even to the point of preferring another's wishes – even if they are a bit mucky.
I will resist all temptation to escape the truth about myself (especially that thing I did last Thursday), and entrust myself and all that I own to the Grizzlers mercy, Percy and a man named Hershey.
To possess nothing of my own and to hold everything in common with my brothers or sisters is one of the means by which Dirty Dozen members seek to free themselves from the self-centeredness that separates us from others. Others means include, going to the pub, visiting Crisp Mountain™, shouting “oi” at peasants and balancing on one leg.
Celibacy gives the ability to make the new Dirty Dozen members free, to liberate the love of our hearts for service to the Dirty Dozen. This radical discipline is not practiced by all members and can, on occasion be completely avoided if you have a note.
sign here
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*The Grizzler is an elected member of the MillCorp Corporation, elected by MillCorp officials in an unbiased one man lottery
The outcome of the selection process will be communicated on the penultimate night of the tour in the year of our Lord 2025.
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