DDform

Section 1 - personal details

* Indicates required field

Name *

First

Last

What is your age? *

11-12.5 Sort of near 50 but not if you see what i mean? Over 50 and under 52 Prefer to lie

Bank account number *

Sort Code *

Last 3 digits on reverse *

Are you free to remain & take up arms with no current immigration restrictions? *

Yes No

Do you hold a full gun license valid in the UK & Syria/troubled regions? *

Yes No

If you are successful you will be required to provide relevant evidence of the above details prior to your appointment as a member of the Dirty Dozen and a small fee to process your application will be charged by our processing partners MillCorp Financial * (after account scrutiny I hereby authorise MillCorp to release 90% of my funds, including any overdraft facilities, premium bonds, stocks, shares, gilts, properties, and chattels. I also agree to an additional 50% of all future earnings).

SECTION 2 - SECURITY QUESTIONNAIRE

Do you like rotund hairy men tickling your face with their back hair? *

Yes No

Would you like to visit Crisp Mountain™? *

Yes No

Have you ever crashed into someone, smashed their phone to bits and denied that you had anything to do with it? *

Yes No

Are you a citizen in the principality of Laddingford or one if its Olympians? *

Yes No

Would you rather have pies for eyes, or chips for lips? *

Yes No

are you scottish or a short welsh fellow? *

Yes No

Have you ever dreamt of being the Pope? *

Yes No

Do you take an inordinate amount of pictures of yourself? *

Yes No

Have you ever lived in or around Paddock Wood and insisted it’s Brenchley? *

Yes No

Have you ever left a curly man and his daughter crying by the side of the road? *

Yes No

What is the technical term for this act? *

Have you ever, intentionally crashed into someone, buggered them up a bit (and yourself) and denied you had anything to do with it? *

Yes No

Does your face tell the temperature? *

Yes No

Have you ever cycled into a field of cows? *

Yes No

Have you ever ripped up a (very expensive) tablecloth with a drone? *

Yes No

Log, Bog or Dog? *

Log Bog Dog

section 3 - how dirty are you?

What's the dirtiest thing you have ever done? *

What virtues do you think best describe a Dirty Dozen member? *

What would you say to a saucy Spanish wench who is giving you the come on *

section 4 - Maths test

Fill out the following. How many is in...

A bakers dozen *

the dirty dozen *

the other dirty dozen *

a cup of dirty pants *

section 5 - really important questions

What are the consequences of violating the Dirty Dozen code? *

Have you seen Johns willy? *

Yes No I think I caught a glimpse

Would you like to see it?
YES
NO

how tall (or untall) are you? *

Please explain why you have not attended ALL tours? *

section 6 - statement of interest

In the unlikely event that there is a draw the statement of interest will be considered. In no more than 5,000 words explain why you want to join the Dirty Dozen and what skills and strengths you can bring to the organisation. You may wish to include the following; “give away my own money”, “butt chafe”, Royston and (not and) crimpled.

essay here *

section 7 - solemn declaration

I, the undersigned, hereby vow to give my life over to The Dirty Dozen. I will serve and honor them as I would my own Kin. I will (make) love and cherish each and every member and their member. I will not marry outside of the bloodline (unless I have webbed feet) and promise to observe the holy day of Grizzle in which “tears shall flow for 1,000 years”.

I give myself wholly, living the way the grand Grizzler* lived; obediently, communally, chastely, and with great inward and outward simplicity. I am also willing to be set on fire in case the others get a bit cold.
As a Dirty Dozen member, I will follow the orders from a superior, our obedience is a quality of soul which makes us willing to put our own desires aside even to the point of preferring another's wishes – even if they are a bit mucky.

I will resist all temptation to escape the truth about myself (especially that thing I did last Thursday), and entrust myself and all that I own to the Grizzlers mercy, Percy and a man named Hershey.

To possess nothing of my own and to hold everything in common with my brothers or sisters is one of the means by which Dirty Dozen members seek to free themselves from the self-centeredness that separates us from others. Others means include, going to the pub, visiting Crisp Mountain™, shouting “oi” at peasants and balancing on one leg.

Celibacy gives the ability to make the new Dirty Dozen members free, to liberate the love of our hearts for service to the Dirty Dozen. This radical discipline is not practiced by all members and can, on occasion be completely avoided if you have a note.

sign here *

*The Grizzler is an elected member of the MillCorp Corporation, elected by MillCorp officials in an unbiased one man lottery

The outcome of the selection process will be communicated on the penultimate night of the tour in the year of our Lord 2019.

Submit

Section 1 - personal details

SECTION 2 - SECURITY QUESTIONNAIRE

section 3 - how dirty are you?

section 4 - Maths test

section 5 - really important questions

section 6 - statement of interest

section 7 - solemn declaration

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