Archive - Ride reports 2012
Given that our weekly rides aren't that exciting, we will only include special rides or events on this page.
V02 Sportive - club results
Sunday 20th March VO2 Sportive - We thought it would be nice to view the first Chequers Racers Sportive from differing perspectives and so have four, yes four ride reports for your delectation!
Steve
After a long discussion in the car park and agreeing not to leave anyone on their own, we mounted our steeds and rode out of Hildenborough like the Magnificent Seven, how fine we looked, all bedecked in matching Chequers Racers jerseys.
We managed to stay together for the first mile, with what looked like a respectable rolling peloton going (you weren't there to witness it Barry) after that I think the competitive edge crept in with Des disappearing from view in a short space of time. All those in the front group were now trying to stake their claim on who would lead our band of furious pedlars.
Ian had command and was looking very pleased with himself, Stan however, was chasing close behind. It was at this point that Harry caught me up, and as only he can muttered "i'm gonna catch those boys up, can't have them thinking they're gonna win and get trappy back at HQ" I managed to keep Harry in my sights as he set off on his quest for race domination, unfortunately by now i had no idea who else from our group was in front or behind me....
A severe 180 left hairpin, led us onto our first big downhill of the day and my demise from the event. Keeping Harry in view as best i could i hurtled down the North face of Sevenoaks Hill, negotiating several bends with all the skill of an experienced cyclist. Not having looked at the route prior to the event as all chaps do (i don't need a map, sound familiar?), i believed this to be a straight descent and on out into the surrounding countryside. On glancing up as another competitor managed to get by me, i found the cunning route planner had decided that it would be a good idea to have a sharp right hand turn onto the roundabout at the A21 junction.
By now the brakes were screaming for mercy, and having managed to slow my speed to under 30mph started the drift across to the right hand filter. This proved more difficult than expected, with loose gravel etc on the road, a touch of the brake turned my steed into a bucking bronco. The rear end was trying to get away from me, controlling this was not an easy task, thankfully my wasted days watching speedway as a teenager had taught me something. As much as i fought to stay in control, it was becoming apparent that there was no way i was going to make the turn. A quick glance up, HUGE road sign, kerb approaching, get feet out of clips, CRUNCH
In my rapid assessment of the situation, i had decided i wasn't going to become a permanent fixture of the road sign and best to hit the tarmac. I'd like to think that i'd managed to execute this with style and panache but in reality i bounced along rather ungraciously. After jumping to my feet, not wanting to appear injured in any way, and a quick check of what was left of my front wheel, it was obvious to a blind man that i wasn't going any further on the bike.
A quick shout to Harry (yes, remember him) left me on my own, as he continued his quest onwards. Gathering everything together i turned around only to see Des go by, perhaps he didn't see me?
I was left with no option but to walk back the way i had come, only uphill this time. I think my dishevelled appearance and state of my bike gave several riders cause for concern as brakes were now being applied as they came my way. After managing to get back to the first aid station i was met with "ooooh you wanna get some stitches in that". After driving myself to A&E and getting patched up, i headed back to Chequers HQ for some much needed medicinal ale.
Harry
When I listened to Michael Fish the previous evening the dilemma as I lay my weary head down after MOD was, longs or bib shorts, thick or summer gloves ? The answer hit me as I saw the frost at 5.45 !
I'm glad we made an early start as the traffic was a nightmare, end to end queues through Tonbridge. Steve managed to negotiate a couple of parking spots right near the start. No one there yet even the marshals were still in their pyjamas, but better early than late. Our earliness proved prudent as Stan had a problem with his Valve. I did as well but managed to squeeze another one out when we went to get our time chips. The toilet smelt of Savlon.
It all started well, Chiefy, Stan, Mooro and Dr. Mark setting a brisk pace on a wonderful early Spring morning. The air was very cold and crisp, we were soon to warm up. I remained in the middle of the field, I could see Chiefy up ahead and when glancing over my shoulder I could see Colin and Desso in the cheap seats !
After about 5 miles we stopped at The Snail it wasn't opening time for another three hours but we thought Farmer Giles and Desso would be back in the peloton soon. Getting a bit chilly we set off still without Abbott and Costello.
Mooro was setting a sharp pace, he was muttering something about being 'Armstrong reincarnated' and living now in Laddingford. I think it was the Adnams talking. Whilst taking in the lovely countryside I saw a cameraman at Bough Beech. I sucked in the belly as I went past only to see he was a twitcher and not a sportive photographer......... so I let it out again. Somewehere along this bit I lost track of who was in front and who was behind. I remember coming down the steep hill from Knole to Morleys on the A21 doing about 35 mph as some git was shouting from behind........it was Stan. The rest is a bit of a blur, I just got my head down and pedaled. I found myself next to Ian going up the first hill passing pleasantries and gasping for breath. Water stop near the top at Ide Hill..... got given half a banana. Ian stopped, think he was tired.
Down Toys Hill and up the otherside, thought it was not going to end ! Waited at the split point, joined by Mark, Stan and Ian within a minute. No sign of The Three Amigos. Deciding we couldn't wait as we didn't know how long they would be we set off, only a few miles to go. Mooro was up ahead and didn't want to let him get too far ahead as I didn't want him getting too trappy at the bar. I kept him in my sights, we then got ambushed with the large hill that goes over the A21 up to Knole Park !!! Mooro deiced to get off and walk and I didn't, so therefore he was overtaken.
Short blast back to the start. Followed by Ian, Stan and Mark. Waited for Des. Des appeared, said he had seen Colin four miles back. Waited and waited, starting to get worried, had Farmer Giles burst all over the road ? had he gone the wrong way ? Four worried, tired, hungry and now getting cold cyclists. Coli appears, scooting along with his bike, over the line, examine bike, gears smashed to bits, cogs mangled!
Good effort for the last four miles though Ned !!!!
"Where's Steve?" asks Colin.
Lets go for tea and cake at Race HQ.
After a few mins of face stuffing and the coiffing of tea, Des spies a note on the mirror from Steve 'See you back at HG' What's happened to BIG Steve ?
Back in the car park, Oh yeah Steve's car is gone and oh there is a note on your car Colin. "I have gone to hospital" Steve. Local phone enquiries reveal he is alive and well and has already started his first pint of Adnams.
Visit to Everndens to boost their pension fund and onwards to Chequers Race HQ. We meet BIG Steve looking like a casualty from the frontline. Where's your bike Steve ? "In those two Asda carrier bags in my boot".
Good meal from Charles, the lamp was swung and a few tales told. The Secret Seven do the VO2 Sportive, Enid Blyton eat yer heart out !
Colin
After a quiet send off from HQ by our lovely landlady Tracey, who got up especially early for us, the team of Stan, Harry, Ian, Mark, Steve, Des & Colin made their way to the VO2 Sportive in Hildenborough. We got there early and debated where to park until big Steve simply drove his tank into the grounds and we all followed. Blimey, we were early! We registered and, having never done a Sportive before, figured out how to get the timing chip onto the front wheel. A lot of time was spent faffing and Stan broke his valve pumping his tyre up and then spent the remainder of the time sorting it out!
After a quick wee in the bushes we were ready to go and approached the start line and soon we were off. After agreeing to not leave anyone we all promptly blasted off as quickly as possible not looking behind us!!! In no time at all we were spread out and a split quickly developed with Stan, Harry, Ian & Mark up front followed by me, Steve & Des.
I was soon cycling by myself and assumed that Steve & Des were happily peddling away. After pushing it, for what seemed like miles (probably only yards!), I couldn’t catch up with the front runners and settled into cycling with various different groups depending on their pace. It seemed that the course was simply hill after hill after hill (unlike the 3 I was expecting!) and then some very fast down hills, one of which an old couple in a Mazda decided to pull out and threaten the lives of at least 3 cyclists including me. Cursing and much pulling of brakes later produced a speedway type slide which thankfully ended in getting round the back of the car and pushing on down the road. This was not to be the only speed/car related incident for me but Steve was to fare worse. The remainder of the ride until the last big, big hill of the ride was uneventful. I stopped to take a layer off and after stripping off and trying to tie my top around my bike frame Des pulled up. I then promptly fell off getting back on my bike and ended up walking up said hill. Des went on ahead and unfortunately, a short while later I heard a scraping noise at the back then very abruptly stopped and dived onto the road. My rear mech had snapped off and lodged itself in the rear wheel. After patting my pockets down for a mobile phone and emergency contact numbers (both left in my car) I spent the next 5 miles walking and freewheeling to the finish after being threatened by a lady in pink with a "sweeper van". It has to be said that a lot of other riders were very kind and asked me how i was, though none of them actually stopped!!!
I was eventually did the right hand turn and as I crossed the finish the team thought I had cramp (sick note reputation must have got round) but soon realised I was simply exhausted with a knackered bike (the subsequent bike repair shop could have been more charitable with their fees).
Much discussion was had about where big Steve was and we decided to have a cup of tea and cake and then head back to the finish line to wait for him. Des then spotted a note pinned to the wall saying that Steve would meet us back at HQ; shamefully, I thought he had given up! Returning to the cars we then noticed that Steve’s car wasn’t there (observant? us?) and there was a note on the car windscreen that read “ gone to hospital, see you back at HQ”!
Fearing the worst we hotfooted it back to base where we were to find Steve nursing a pint and 5 stitches in his elbow!!! Apparently Harry had ignored his cries for help and Des cycled straight past him!! I’ll leave it to Steve to tell you the rest.
Lessons learnt? Take a phone, stick with someone else, don’t go off too fast/too slow, try and catch up sooner, don’t take your top off halfway up a hill, don’t listen to the man that told you it was halfway and then spend the next 8 miles thinking I had accidentally gone on the 120k route, don’t have bum grapes!
Des
having thought we'd arrived for registration way too early, Stan promptly snapped a valve and had to replace a tube, so before we knew it, we were making our way to the start line for a prompt 8.30 dispatch.
...lot's of talk about riding as a team and waiting for guys with punctures etc...instantly thrown straight out the window...! I thought the pace was way too fast so let the rest charge on, confident I would catch up as the ride progressed.
I found the first hill, Shipborne Hill, particularly tough, but then I often struggle 'till I'm properly warmed up....anyway, made it ok, and we carried on through some lovely countryside skirting Knole and eventually heading down to Bough Beech Reservoir. From there it was Hill 2, to Ide Hill, which though long, was ok from my point of view in that I got into a good, if slow, rhythm and got to the top reasonably comfortably....then up (well down, really!) to Brasted and back for Hill 3, to Toys Hill...this was a long drag of a hill, not too bad a gradient, just a bit unrelenting.
The route took us back through Bough Beech towards Sevenoaks Weald where we were met with Hill 4...an impossible little climb ( I reckon 14% gradient) that had me walking at the A21 crossing, where, surprise surprise, I met Colin, ...! After his false re-start and resulting tumble, we walked the rest of the hill, from where it was back in the saddle and up past Knole and the outskirts of Sevenoaks, down past the White Hart, then straight back to Hildenborough. On the downhill from Sevenoaks, I was expecting Colin to come whizzing past at any minute--it never happened, because unknown to me, he'd broken his rear mech!
All in all, I found it tough - these sportives are aimed at a good class of cyclist, with the route deliberately taking us up every possible tough hill. My legs couldn't have coped with another tough hill and the derriere was getting a bit sore - but, reasonably satisfied with the mornings work, managed a reasonable pace and didn't have a break until the enforced walk, so lots of good saddle time.
I later discovered I must have passed Steve at some point after his tumble, ....sorry mate, I didn't see you! ( he was probably getting intimate with the insect population......I'll leave the rest the Big Steve saga to someone else!!)
...lessons....
on the plus side, we got there in plenty of time to change a tube without too much drama, and found that plastic tyre leavers are "not very good" - you cannot be too early!
we have to re-appraise the "riding as a group" thing. I don't think it’s fair to ask the faster guys to slow down- after all, they've trained hard through the rubbish winter and should be allowed to reap the benefits, and its just not possible to ask the slower guys to speed up- even though some of them have trained hard through the rubbish winter, but are still playing catch up with the above! ...bear in mind though, the pace should be "softer" over the 3 days?...
What we will have to ensure is that no-one is left alone, so that in the case of an accident or mechanical (worst case scenario, head injury or broken limb, more likely scenario, puncture and no phone/signal/battery), there's always at least someone else around...
spares.... two bikes out of seven wiped out...do we think about taking spare bike(s)?
...while the VO2 was particularly tough, we do have a good number of hills to get over on three successive days - 59 days to get prepared!!- do some of us have to review our training??
Sat 5th Mar - 40miles and 50 miles. Riders; Ian, Des, Joe Mark, Steve, Nick & Colin. We went on Des’ halfway to Newhaven route which was a very enjoyable ride with lovely rolling sections, killer uphills and the obligatory Pixot Hill downhill challenge! 40.5 mph anyone? Steve, carrying a cold and balloon jacket was cycling incredibly well then about halfway through starting moaning about his steed. Everyone ignored his protestations and just thought he couldn’t work his gears properly – turns out he had broken his chain!!!! Aside from Steve’s incident, it was event free until one point when everyone had ridden off and left Des wondering why we were climbing uphill unnecessarily, given that we should have turned about a mile beforehand. We sheepishly came back down the hill and were much more cautious from that point onwards. All arrived safely back to HQ and, despite Charles’ offer of shelter and a hot beverage in the pub, Colin decided to carry on after he discovered no one was at home and he didn’t have his keys with him!
Wednesday 2nd Mar - 29.5 miles. Riders; Barry, Des, Joe, Mark, Nick, Jim, John...cold (in fact, baltic!) but dry, an enjoyable, good paced ride. A variation on the usual Wed night run, ending with a climb up to Curtisden Green followed by a downhill all the way home! Jim, despite a half marathon on Sunday and a run on Tuesday night, seemed unusually off the pace towards the end; turned out his back tyre was way too soft!! Lesson of the day - those that stopped out 'till silly o'clock drinking Old Peculiar the night before appeared to enjoy the ride less than those who didn't!! Quote of the day: "Night riding is great - it's like being on a secret mission!!" (Joe) Snack of the day: The most excellent Scotch Eggs a la Chequers!
Saturday 19th Feb - Ahem! Whilst Colin was on a reccie in Paris and drinking heart stoppingly expensive beer the rest of the team were curled up in bed because of some mild precipitation.
Wednesday 16th Feb - 20:30 - around 27 miles Staplehurst & back. Riders; Des, Nick, Barry, Mark & Colin. Uneventful, except for the fact that only Barry & Des went to the pub and scoffed all of Charles' lovely home made sausage rolls!
Saturday 12th Feb - 13:00 - 36 miles, Jim's triple half marathon route - Riders; Jim, Harry & Barry. Wanting a lay in Saturday, Jim and Harry met outside the Chequers Racer's HQ at lunchtime on Saturday. To supervise them, 'Guru Barry' was on the scene, itching for a beasting. The plan was to do the Paddock Wood half marathon route from HQ, three times, each lap to be faster. A fast pace was set by Jim against a sharp wind with the first lap completed in 42:40. The sun came out and it turned really warm. Panting and sweating, Jim and Harry stopped by Putlands to loosen their jackets and get untucked. 'The Guru' watched on, frustrated and anxious at the wait. The trio took off again in warm afternoon sunshine, with lap two taking 45:15; the Guru was not impressed at being delayed. Embarrassed Harry and Jim got their heads down and blasted the third lap in 42:10. Phew, we did the last one fastest! Just under 36 miles in all.
Saturday 12th Feb - 07:30 - 40 mile long loop, 18 mile short loop, Scotney Castle and back - Riders; Des, Nick, Neal, Joe, Stan, Ian & Colin. We were all very pleased to have our youngest member Joe join us for the ride. Des led us on a very nice scenic ride, particluarly going into Scotney Castle, even over the speed bumps! We thought we had lost Joe at one point but he just got stuck behind a Horse! Unfortunately, the father and son team had to result to drinking out of puddles having left the water bottles on the kitchen worktop. The short loop team left at the 18 mile mark to wend their way back home and an intrepid two carried on into the wind all the way back home adding on an extra couple of miles to break the 40. I'm not sure any of us shed enough weight during the ride to justify the huge consumption of chips, burgers and alcohol that evening! Map and GPX download.
Wednesday 9th Feb - around 27 miles Staplehurst & back - Riders: Des, Barry, Nick, & Colin. Barry led us to Staplehurst and back with a small addition; 5 miles! It was actually dry and there was little wind! Aside from going through cosed roads where there were giant hole hazards to contend with, a good pace was achived and the evening passed by without incident; I think we may actually be getting quicker. Once again, the evening was topped off with our favourite tipple in The Chequers where Charles provided us with homemade sausage rolls; very nice! Map and GPX download.
Sunday 6th Feb - 36.1 miles - Wrotham and back - Riders: Harry, Neal, Richard & Colin. Sergeant Major Harrison took us up hill after windy hill in what I think was beautiful countryside, though all I really saw was tarmac. Richard bravely joined us (in his old school cycling outfit – shorts and pink top) after having spent 2 months out of the saddle, and managed 15 miles before sensibly riding home completing 25 in total. At this point, Harry pointed to an antenna in the far distance and said we were heading for it. Harry consulted his sat nav (a bit of paper gaffer taped to his arm; better than the Garmin!) and we trudged on. Then the time came when we turned right and headed up “The Hill”. It was a winding hairpin littered road which was incredibly steep; every turn of the crank was a real effort and peddling off the saddle was the only way to get some respite. Harry & Neal were at the top first with Colin a way behind, however we all made it without stopping or walking and spent a couple of minutes catching our breath and congratulating ourselves on a job well done. The next 15 miles was pretty uneventful except for a few “I didn’t know this hill was here” shouts from Harry and of course, a ride wouldn't be the same without the standard Harrison dismount demo; t was like watching someone getting shot in slow motion! We made it back to the pub and gathered ourselves before heading home. Thankfully Steve was just leaving the pub after lunch and an exhausted Neal cadged a lift home, Colin tried to get a lift but Steve wouldn’t take him the last 100 yards! Spent the evening groaning and lying on the floor a lot! Map and GPX download.
Saturday 5th Feb - 33 miles - Riders: Des, Stan, Steve, Nick, Mark and Ian. Des led the way out of HQ (not for long though) on what he described as “a few hills but nothing too daft, with a wee climb back through Chainhurst to keep the legs warm." A quick sprint saw us at Knowle Road heading up into Castle Hill, which everyone achieved easily, followed by a nice descent and ride out to Horsmonden where Nick sadly had to leave us (early again). The remaining riders headed out toward Curtisden Green, Staplehurst and Headcorn before looping back via Staplehurst and Marden. At this point the lead riders (Stan & Ian) took a sharp left back toward Yalding followed by Steve, with Des and Dr Mark peddling furiously onwards through Chainhurst & Hunton and finally back to base. Another decent ride from Des's satchel, if only he could do something about the unforgiving head-on gale force winds all day and sporadic drizzle which is becoming the norm.
Wednesday 2nd Feb - around 22.5 miles Staplehurst & back - Riders: Des, Dr Mark, Nick, Jim, Mick, Stan, Barry & Colin. Barry led us to Staplehurst and back with a small addition; we think he's slowly sneaking in extra bits to push the miles up, if he carries on like this we'll be finished the following day! Once again, the wind was against us but thankfully the drizzle was minimal. One day, we will cycle when it is dry and calm! Problem free until Mick lost his bottle (literally) and Colin decided to lay in the road to get a better view of the incident bending his right brakes and gears in the process. The evening was topped off with a cheeky beer in The Chequers where Charles kindly laid on some well received sausage tasting; he makes them himself you know.
Saturday 29th January - Riders; Des, Dr Mark, Ian, Nick, Steve, Harry & Colin. Colin's Garmin tried to lead us on a 37 mile route heading our to Headcorn way and back. Quite a blustery day which was strength sapping in a few places. Started up Yalding hill, which we all feared but in the end wasn't that bad, we've been up worse! Sat Nav did ok until we got to Loose when it started to flounder a bit, we carried on towards Headcorn with conflicting directions from the sat nav, carrying on past one turning because it looked like a farm track, and had to come back. The descent was more akin to mountain biking than road cycling and then unfortunately Steve came a cropper at the bottom, thankfully no major injuries. We tentatively carried on and at about the 16 mile mark the sat nav said turn left when it clearly said Headcorn was right. A lot of the guys had other engagements so sensibly peeled off to head home. At this point Colin fell off his bike and Harry's cleat came off the bottom of his shoe; one of the bolts had completely come off. repairs made, the last three carried on and it turned out that it was left then a quick right so it wasn't as bad as it seemed. After that it was pretty flat and uneventful all the way home. Top marks to Steve who had spent the entire day beforehand chopping logs, so to make it round 41 miles was a pretty good achievement. Personally, i'm getting a tiny bit worried about the Paris trip, I was kanckered the rest of the day with aching legs and knees and the distance we did was still 7 miles short of the ferry stop at Newhaven!! Map and GPX download.
Wednesday 26th January - Our road bike guru Barry took us on the 21 mile Staplehurst run on yet another wet & windy night. Tracey (our lovely landlady) commented that we must be riding this evening as it's raining. Fairly event free but special mention to Neal who rode with a really bad back and didn't complain once. Once back at HQ (The Chequers pub) Charles (our equally lovely landlord) served us up home made sausage rolls and a deserved pint and some wine for the weary riders. How Barry managed to escape having a mud spattered face no one knows? Map and GPX download.
Sunday 23rd January - Harry took charge and to pay us back for beasting him on Wednesday (his fault; he chose to ride the mountain bike!) he took us up as many hills he could find; according to the Garmin we climbed 1,741 feet compared to 243 on our Weds run. Sadly I missed the moment when Sergeant Major Harrison demonstrated a controlled stop, ably falling to the ground with ease and then effecting a perfect foot extraction with whilst lying sideways! Map and GPX download.
Saturday 22nd January - Des led Dr Mark, Big Steve & Nick on his extended Frittenden run. Nick ”The Legs” Thomson now owns a road bike and reports suggest that he spanked it on Saturday!!! Barry, watch yourself, there is a new kid on the block!!! Map and GPX download.
Wednesday 19th January - Not too bad 21 miles; Barry, Des, Nick Dr Mark, Harry & Colin. Hats off to Harry who did 21 on his MTB, though some have said this was just poor bike selection and he doesn't deserve any sympathy! Map and GPX download.
Steve
After a long discussion in the car park and agreeing not to leave anyone on their own, we mounted our steeds and rode out of Hildenborough like the Magnificent Seven, how fine we looked, all bedecked in matching Chequers Racers jerseys.
We managed to stay together for the first mile, with what looked like a respectable rolling peloton going (you weren't there to witness it Barry) after that I think the competitive edge crept in with Des disappearing from view in a short space of time. All those in the front group were now trying to stake their claim on who would lead our band of furious pedlars.
Ian had command and was looking very pleased with himself, Stan however, was chasing close behind. It was at this point that Harry caught me up, and as only he can muttered "i'm gonna catch those boys up, can't have them thinking they're gonna win and get trappy back at HQ" I managed to keep Harry in my sights as he set off on his quest for race domination, unfortunately by now i had no idea who else from our group was in front or behind me....
A severe 180 left hairpin, led us onto our first big downhill of the day and my demise from the event. Keeping Harry in view as best i could i hurtled down the North face of Sevenoaks Hill, negotiating several bends with all the skill of an experienced cyclist. Not having looked at the route prior to the event as all chaps do (i don't need a map, sound familiar?), i believed this to be a straight descent and on out into the surrounding countryside. On glancing up as another competitor managed to get by me, i found the cunning route planner had decided that it would be a good idea to have a sharp right hand turn onto the roundabout at the A21 junction.
By now the brakes were screaming for mercy, and having managed to slow my speed to under 30mph started the drift across to the right hand filter. This proved more difficult than expected, with loose gravel etc on the road, a touch of the brake turned my steed into a bucking bronco. The rear end was trying to get away from me, controlling this was not an easy task, thankfully my wasted days watching speedway as a teenager had taught me something. As much as i fought to stay in control, it was becoming apparent that there was no way i was going to make the turn. A quick glance up, HUGE road sign, kerb approaching, get feet out of clips, CRUNCH
In my rapid assessment of the situation, i had decided i wasn't going to become a permanent fixture of the road sign and best to hit the tarmac. I'd like to think that i'd managed to execute this with style and panache but in reality i bounced along rather ungraciously. After jumping to my feet, not wanting to appear injured in any way, and a quick check of what was left of my front wheel, it was obvious to a blind man that i wasn't going any further on the bike.
A quick shout to Harry (yes, remember him) left me on my own, as he continued his quest onwards. Gathering everything together i turned around only to see Des go by, perhaps he didn't see me?
I was left with no option but to walk back the way i had come, only uphill this time. I think my dishevelled appearance and state of my bike gave several riders cause for concern as brakes were now being applied as they came my way. After managing to get back to the first aid station i was met with "ooooh you wanna get some stitches in that". After driving myself to A&E and getting patched up, i headed back to Chequers HQ for some much needed medicinal ale.
Harry
When I listened to Michael Fish the previous evening the dilemma as I lay my weary head down after MOD was, longs or bib shorts, thick or summer gloves ? The answer hit me as I saw the frost at 5.45 !
I'm glad we made an early start as the traffic was a nightmare, end to end queues through Tonbridge. Steve managed to negotiate a couple of parking spots right near the start. No one there yet even the marshals were still in their pyjamas, but better early than late. Our earliness proved prudent as Stan had a problem with his Valve. I did as well but managed to squeeze another one out when we went to get our time chips. The toilet smelt of Savlon.
It all started well, Chiefy, Stan, Mooro and Dr. Mark setting a brisk pace on a wonderful early Spring morning. The air was very cold and crisp, we were soon to warm up. I remained in the middle of the field, I could see Chiefy up ahead and when glancing over my shoulder I could see Colin and Desso in the cheap seats !
After about 5 miles we stopped at The Snail it wasn't opening time for another three hours but we thought Farmer Giles and Desso would be back in the peloton soon. Getting a bit chilly we set off still without Abbott and Costello.
Mooro was setting a sharp pace, he was muttering something about being 'Armstrong reincarnated' and living now in Laddingford. I think it was the Adnams talking. Whilst taking in the lovely countryside I saw a cameraman at Bough Beech. I sucked in the belly as I went past only to see he was a twitcher and not a sportive photographer......... so I let it out again. Somewehere along this bit I lost track of who was in front and who was behind. I remember coming down the steep hill from Knole to Morleys on the A21 doing about 35 mph as some git was shouting from behind........it was Stan. The rest is a bit of a blur, I just got my head down and pedaled. I found myself next to Ian going up the first hill passing pleasantries and gasping for breath. Water stop near the top at Ide Hill..... got given half a banana. Ian stopped, think he was tired.
Down Toys Hill and up the otherside, thought it was not going to end ! Waited at the split point, joined by Mark, Stan and Ian within a minute. No sign of The Three Amigos. Deciding we couldn't wait as we didn't know how long they would be we set off, only a few miles to go. Mooro was up ahead and didn't want to let him get too far ahead as I didn't want him getting too trappy at the bar. I kept him in my sights, we then got ambushed with the large hill that goes over the A21 up to Knole Park !!! Mooro deiced to get off and walk and I didn't, so therefore he was overtaken.
Short blast back to the start. Followed by Ian, Stan and Mark. Waited for Des. Des appeared, said he had seen Colin four miles back. Waited and waited, starting to get worried, had Farmer Giles burst all over the road ? had he gone the wrong way ? Four worried, tired, hungry and now getting cold cyclists. Coli appears, scooting along with his bike, over the line, examine bike, gears smashed to bits, cogs mangled!
Good effort for the last four miles though Ned !!!!
"Where's Steve?" asks Colin.
Lets go for tea and cake at Race HQ.
After a few mins of face stuffing and the coiffing of tea, Des spies a note on the mirror from Steve 'See you back at HG' What's happened to BIG Steve ?
Back in the car park, Oh yeah Steve's car is gone and oh there is a note on your car Colin. "I have gone to hospital" Steve. Local phone enquiries reveal he is alive and well and has already started his first pint of Adnams.
Visit to Everndens to boost their pension fund and onwards to Chequers Race HQ. We meet BIG Steve looking like a casualty from the frontline. Where's your bike Steve ? "In those two Asda carrier bags in my boot".
Good meal from Charles, the lamp was swung and a few tales told. The Secret Seven do the VO2 Sportive, Enid Blyton eat yer heart out !
Colin
After a quiet send off from HQ by our lovely landlady Tracey, who got up especially early for us, the team of Stan, Harry, Ian, Mark, Steve, Des & Colin made their way to the VO2 Sportive in Hildenborough. We got there early and debated where to park until big Steve simply drove his tank into the grounds and we all followed. Blimey, we were early! We registered and, having never done a Sportive before, figured out how to get the timing chip onto the front wheel. A lot of time was spent faffing and Stan broke his valve pumping his tyre up and then spent the remainder of the time sorting it out!
After a quick wee in the bushes we were ready to go and approached the start line and soon we were off. After agreeing to not leave anyone we all promptly blasted off as quickly as possible not looking behind us!!! In no time at all we were spread out and a split quickly developed with Stan, Harry, Ian & Mark up front followed by me, Steve & Des.
I was soon cycling by myself and assumed that Steve & Des were happily peddling away. After pushing it, for what seemed like miles (probably only yards!), I couldn’t catch up with the front runners and settled into cycling with various different groups depending on their pace. It seemed that the course was simply hill after hill after hill (unlike the 3 I was expecting!) and then some very fast down hills, one of which an old couple in a Mazda decided to pull out and threaten the lives of at least 3 cyclists including me. Cursing and much pulling of brakes later produced a speedway type slide which thankfully ended in getting round the back of the car and pushing on down the road. This was not to be the only speed/car related incident for me but Steve was to fare worse. The remainder of the ride until the last big, big hill of the ride was uneventful. I stopped to take a layer off and after stripping off and trying to tie my top around my bike frame Des pulled up. I then promptly fell off getting back on my bike and ended up walking up said hill. Des went on ahead and unfortunately, a short while later I heard a scraping noise at the back then very abruptly stopped and dived onto the road. My rear mech had snapped off and lodged itself in the rear wheel. After patting my pockets down for a mobile phone and emergency contact numbers (both left in my car) I spent the next 5 miles walking and freewheeling to the finish after being threatened by a lady in pink with a "sweeper van". It has to be said that a lot of other riders were very kind and asked me how i was, though none of them actually stopped!!!
I was eventually did the right hand turn and as I crossed the finish the team thought I had cramp (sick note reputation must have got round) but soon realised I was simply exhausted with a knackered bike (the subsequent bike repair shop could have been more charitable with their fees).
Much discussion was had about where big Steve was and we decided to have a cup of tea and cake and then head back to the finish line to wait for him. Des then spotted a note pinned to the wall saying that Steve would meet us back at HQ; shamefully, I thought he had given up! Returning to the cars we then noticed that Steve’s car wasn’t there (observant? us?) and there was a note on the car windscreen that read “ gone to hospital, see you back at HQ”!
Fearing the worst we hotfooted it back to base where we were to find Steve nursing a pint and 5 stitches in his elbow!!! Apparently Harry had ignored his cries for help and Des cycled straight past him!! I’ll leave it to Steve to tell you the rest.
Lessons learnt? Take a phone, stick with someone else, don’t go off too fast/too slow, try and catch up sooner, don’t take your top off halfway up a hill, don’t listen to the man that told you it was halfway and then spend the next 8 miles thinking I had accidentally gone on the 120k route, don’t have bum grapes!
Des
having thought we'd arrived for registration way too early, Stan promptly snapped a valve and had to replace a tube, so before we knew it, we were making our way to the start line for a prompt 8.30 dispatch.
...lot's of talk about riding as a team and waiting for guys with punctures etc...instantly thrown straight out the window...! I thought the pace was way too fast so let the rest charge on, confident I would catch up as the ride progressed.
I found the first hill, Shipborne Hill, particularly tough, but then I often struggle 'till I'm properly warmed up....anyway, made it ok, and we carried on through some lovely countryside skirting Knole and eventually heading down to Bough Beech Reservoir. From there it was Hill 2, to Ide Hill, which though long, was ok from my point of view in that I got into a good, if slow, rhythm and got to the top reasonably comfortably....then up (well down, really!) to Brasted and back for Hill 3, to Toys Hill...this was a long drag of a hill, not too bad a gradient, just a bit unrelenting.
The route took us back through Bough Beech towards Sevenoaks Weald where we were met with Hill 4...an impossible little climb ( I reckon 14% gradient) that had me walking at the A21 crossing, where, surprise surprise, I met Colin, ...! After his false re-start and resulting tumble, we walked the rest of the hill, from where it was back in the saddle and up past Knole and the outskirts of Sevenoaks, down past the White Hart, then straight back to Hildenborough. On the downhill from Sevenoaks, I was expecting Colin to come whizzing past at any minute--it never happened, because unknown to me, he'd broken his rear mech!
All in all, I found it tough - these sportives are aimed at a good class of cyclist, with the route deliberately taking us up every possible tough hill. My legs couldn't have coped with another tough hill and the derriere was getting a bit sore - but, reasonably satisfied with the mornings work, managed a reasonable pace and didn't have a break until the enforced walk, so lots of good saddle time.
I later discovered I must have passed Steve at some point after his tumble, ....sorry mate, I didn't see you! ( he was probably getting intimate with the insect population......I'll leave the rest the Big Steve saga to someone else!!)
...lessons....
on the plus side, we got there in plenty of time to change a tube without too much drama, and found that plastic tyre leavers are "not very good" - you cannot be too early!
we have to re-appraise the "riding as a group" thing. I don't think it’s fair to ask the faster guys to slow down- after all, they've trained hard through the rubbish winter and should be allowed to reap the benefits, and its just not possible to ask the slower guys to speed up- even though some of them have trained hard through the rubbish winter, but are still playing catch up with the above! ...bear in mind though, the pace should be "softer" over the 3 days?...
What we will have to ensure is that no-one is left alone, so that in the case of an accident or mechanical (worst case scenario, head injury or broken limb, more likely scenario, puncture and no phone/signal/battery), there's always at least someone else around...
spares.... two bikes out of seven wiped out...do we think about taking spare bike(s)?
...while the VO2 was particularly tough, we do have a good number of hills to get over on three successive days - 59 days to get prepared!!- do some of us have to review our training??
Sat 5th Mar - 40miles and 50 miles. Riders; Ian, Des, Joe Mark, Steve, Nick & Colin. We went on Des’ halfway to Newhaven route which was a very enjoyable ride with lovely rolling sections, killer uphills and the obligatory Pixot Hill downhill challenge! 40.5 mph anyone? Steve, carrying a cold and balloon jacket was cycling incredibly well then about halfway through starting moaning about his steed. Everyone ignored his protestations and just thought he couldn’t work his gears properly – turns out he had broken his chain!!!! Aside from Steve’s incident, it was event free until one point when everyone had ridden off and left Des wondering why we were climbing uphill unnecessarily, given that we should have turned about a mile beforehand. We sheepishly came back down the hill and were much more cautious from that point onwards. All arrived safely back to HQ and, despite Charles’ offer of shelter and a hot beverage in the pub, Colin decided to carry on after he discovered no one was at home and he didn’t have his keys with him!
Wednesday 2nd Mar - 29.5 miles. Riders; Barry, Des, Joe, Mark, Nick, Jim, John...cold (in fact, baltic!) but dry, an enjoyable, good paced ride. A variation on the usual Wed night run, ending with a climb up to Curtisden Green followed by a downhill all the way home! Jim, despite a half marathon on Sunday and a run on Tuesday night, seemed unusually off the pace towards the end; turned out his back tyre was way too soft!! Lesson of the day - those that stopped out 'till silly o'clock drinking Old Peculiar the night before appeared to enjoy the ride less than those who didn't!! Quote of the day: "Night riding is great - it's like being on a secret mission!!" (Joe) Snack of the day: The most excellent Scotch Eggs a la Chequers!
Saturday 19th Feb - Ahem! Whilst Colin was on a reccie in Paris and drinking heart stoppingly expensive beer the rest of the team were curled up in bed because of some mild precipitation.
Wednesday 16th Feb - 20:30 - around 27 miles Staplehurst & back. Riders; Des, Nick, Barry, Mark & Colin. Uneventful, except for the fact that only Barry & Des went to the pub and scoffed all of Charles' lovely home made sausage rolls!
Saturday 12th Feb - 13:00 - 36 miles, Jim's triple half marathon route - Riders; Jim, Harry & Barry. Wanting a lay in Saturday, Jim and Harry met outside the Chequers Racer's HQ at lunchtime on Saturday. To supervise them, 'Guru Barry' was on the scene, itching for a beasting. The plan was to do the Paddock Wood half marathon route from HQ, three times, each lap to be faster. A fast pace was set by Jim against a sharp wind with the first lap completed in 42:40. The sun came out and it turned really warm. Panting and sweating, Jim and Harry stopped by Putlands to loosen their jackets and get untucked. 'The Guru' watched on, frustrated and anxious at the wait. The trio took off again in warm afternoon sunshine, with lap two taking 45:15; the Guru was not impressed at being delayed. Embarrassed Harry and Jim got their heads down and blasted the third lap in 42:10. Phew, we did the last one fastest! Just under 36 miles in all.
Saturday 12th Feb - 07:30 - 40 mile long loop, 18 mile short loop, Scotney Castle and back - Riders; Des, Nick, Neal, Joe, Stan, Ian & Colin. We were all very pleased to have our youngest member Joe join us for the ride. Des led us on a very nice scenic ride, particluarly going into Scotney Castle, even over the speed bumps! We thought we had lost Joe at one point but he just got stuck behind a Horse! Unfortunately, the father and son team had to result to drinking out of puddles having left the water bottles on the kitchen worktop. The short loop team left at the 18 mile mark to wend their way back home and an intrepid two carried on into the wind all the way back home adding on an extra couple of miles to break the 40. I'm not sure any of us shed enough weight during the ride to justify the huge consumption of chips, burgers and alcohol that evening! Map and GPX download.
Wednesday 9th Feb - around 27 miles Staplehurst & back - Riders: Des, Barry, Nick, & Colin. Barry led us to Staplehurst and back with a small addition; 5 miles! It was actually dry and there was little wind! Aside from going through cosed roads where there were giant hole hazards to contend with, a good pace was achived and the evening passed by without incident; I think we may actually be getting quicker. Once again, the evening was topped off with our favourite tipple in The Chequers where Charles provided us with homemade sausage rolls; very nice! Map and GPX download.
Sunday 6th Feb - 36.1 miles - Wrotham and back - Riders: Harry, Neal, Richard & Colin. Sergeant Major Harrison took us up hill after windy hill in what I think was beautiful countryside, though all I really saw was tarmac. Richard bravely joined us (in his old school cycling outfit – shorts and pink top) after having spent 2 months out of the saddle, and managed 15 miles before sensibly riding home completing 25 in total. At this point, Harry pointed to an antenna in the far distance and said we were heading for it. Harry consulted his sat nav (a bit of paper gaffer taped to his arm; better than the Garmin!) and we trudged on. Then the time came when we turned right and headed up “The Hill”. It was a winding hairpin littered road which was incredibly steep; every turn of the crank was a real effort and peddling off the saddle was the only way to get some respite. Harry & Neal were at the top first with Colin a way behind, however we all made it without stopping or walking and spent a couple of minutes catching our breath and congratulating ourselves on a job well done. The next 15 miles was pretty uneventful except for a few “I didn’t know this hill was here” shouts from Harry and of course, a ride wouldn't be the same without the standard Harrison dismount demo; t was like watching someone getting shot in slow motion! We made it back to the pub and gathered ourselves before heading home. Thankfully Steve was just leaving the pub after lunch and an exhausted Neal cadged a lift home, Colin tried to get a lift but Steve wouldn’t take him the last 100 yards! Spent the evening groaning and lying on the floor a lot! Map and GPX download.
Saturday 5th Feb - 33 miles - Riders: Des, Stan, Steve, Nick, Mark and Ian. Des led the way out of HQ (not for long though) on what he described as “a few hills but nothing too daft, with a wee climb back through Chainhurst to keep the legs warm." A quick sprint saw us at Knowle Road heading up into Castle Hill, which everyone achieved easily, followed by a nice descent and ride out to Horsmonden where Nick sadly had to leave us (early again). The remaining riders headed out toward Curtisden Green, Staplehurst and Headcorn before looping back via Staplehurst and Marden. At this point the lead riders (Stan & Ian) took a sharp left back toward Yalding followed by Steve, with Des and Dr Mark peddling furiously onwards through Chainhurst & Hunton and finally back to base. Another decent ride from Des's satchel, if only he could do something about the unforgiving head-on gale force winds all day and sporadic drizzle which is becoming the norm.
Wednesday 2nd Feb - around 22.5 miles Staplehurst & back - Riders: Des, Dr Mark, Nick, Jim, Mick, Stan, Barry & Colin. Barry led us to Staplehurst and back with a small addition; we think he's slowly sneaking in extra bits to push the miles up, if he carries on like this we'll be finished the following day! Once again, the wind was against us but thankfully the drizzle was minimal. One day, we will cycle when it is dry and calm! Problem free until Mick lost his bottle (literally) and Colin decided to lay in the road to get a better view of the incident bending his right brakes and gears in the process. The evening was topped off with a cheeky beer in The Chequers where Charles kindly laid on some well received sausage tasting; he makes them himself you know.
Saturday 29th January - Riders; Des, Dr Mark, Ian, Nick, Steve, Harry & Colin. Colin's Garmin tried to lead us on a 37 mile route heading our to Headcorn way and back. Quite a blustery day which was strength sapping in a few places. Started up Yalding hill, which we all feared but in the end wasn't that bad, we've been up worse! Sat Nav did ok until we got to Loose when it started to flounder a bit, we carried on towards Headcorn with conflicting directions from the sat nav, carrying on past one turning because it looked like a farm track, and had to come back. The descent was more akin to mountain biking than road cycling and then unfortunately Steve came a cropper at the bottom, thankfully no major injuries. We tentatively carried on and at about the 16 mile mark the sat nav said turn left when it clearly said Headcorn was right. A lot of the guys had other engagements so sensibly peeled off to head home. At this point Colin fell off his bike and Harry's cleat came off the bottom of his shoe; one of the bolts had completely come off. repairs made, the last three carried on and it turned out that it was left then a quick right so it wasn't as bad as it seemed. After that it was pretty flat and uneventful all the way home. Top marks to Steve who had spent the entire day beforehand chopping logs, so to make it round 41 miles was a pretty good achievement. Personally, i'm getting a tiny bit worried about the Paris trip, I was kanckered the rest of the day with aching legs and knees and the distance we did was still 7 miles short of the ferry stop at Newhaven!! Map and GPX download.
Wednesday 26th January - Our road bike guru Barry took us on the 21 mile Staplehurst run on yet another wet & windy night. Tracey (our lovely landlady) commented that we must be riding this evening as it's raining. Fairly event free but special mention to Neal who rode with a really bad back and didn't complain once. Once back at HQ (The Chequers pub) Charles (our equally lovely landlord) served us up home made sausage rolls and a deserved pint and some wine for the weary riders. How Barry managed to escape having a mud spattered face no one knows? Map and GPX download.
Sunday 23rd January - Harry took charge and to pay us back for beasting him on Wednesday (his fault; he chose to ride the mountain bike!) he took us up as many hills he could find; according to the Garmin we climbed 1,741 feet compared to 243 on our Weds run. Sadly I missed the moment when Sergeant Major Harrison demonstrated a controlled stop, ably falling to the ground with ease and then effecting a perfect foot extraction with whilst lying sideways! Map and GPX download.
Saturday 22nd January - Des led Dr Mark, Big Steve & Nick on his extended Frittenden run. Nick ”The Legs” Thomson now owns a road bike and reports suggest that he spanked it on Saturday!!! Barry, watch yourself, there is a new kid on the block!!! Map and GPX download.
Wednesday 19th January - Not too bad 21 miles; Barry, Des, Nick Dr Mark, Harry & Colin. Hats off to Harry who did 21 on his MTB, though some have said this was just poor bike selection and he doesn't deserve any sympathy! Map and GPX download.