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Remedial members of the Racers have breakfast AKA Daily Bread Breakfast Scramble, 16 March 2014
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Erstwhile Racer, original member of the L2P challenge, professional beardgrower and part of Team Go West! for The Longest Day, Joe McElroy now runs the Daily Bread café in Rusthall, so it seemed appropriate we try to get a group ride over there for breakfast…what could possibly go wrong?
One thing that didn’t go wrong was the weather, an absolute stunner of a day as we gathered at HQ for 8.30. …first hitch, Rob’s puncture when we met him at The White Hart, gave us a welcome breather after 3 miles, though…then it was a nostalgia trip following the route to Paris via Horsmonden and Lamberhurst, at which point, with some trepidation, we crossed the county line into the bad-lands of East Sussex and on to Bells Yew Green, to meet up with Tony only 10 mins behind schedule… ..so now there were 8 of us, and the tricky task began of navigating safely across Tunbridge Wells…what could possibly go wrong….? …now admittedly it was a bit random, but eventually 87.5% of us regrouped successfully in Rusthall, which, I think, all things considered, is a good hit rate which, if replicated on Nice to Pisa, will mean we’ll only lose 2 ¼ riders! Rob represented the 12.5% who had another puncture just at the start of the T Wells run-in (unnoticed by anyone else at the time, of course, in true Racers style), and promptly called up the broom wagon for a lift home….. (editors note; sound like he's been Moultened) Fortunately, the breakfast at Daily Bread was quite superb, we were made very welcome and they had the common sense to serve the “sharing” breakfast on individual plates to stop some greedy beggar nicking all the best bits… Due to time constraints, fitness levels and the sudden increase in weight we all experienced, we split into two groups for the return journey, the A squad going cross country through Penshurst, the B squad mixing it with the traffic through T Wells and the Pembury Rd. For the A squad, it was a cracking run back (well, we got lost a little bit at the start) through windy, up-and-down lanes to Speldhurst, then on to Penshurst where we picked up a great, traffic-free, cycle way which brought us out near Leigh. For the B squad, well I think they’re still alive, but who really cares? So there we go, 37 miles and about 2k feet for the A squad….I’d probably choose a different route out next time – probably something like our route back- but a cracking little ride on a cracking day with a cracking bit of scoff in the middle. …maybe do a rerun the morning of the Beer Festival? …but don’t take my word for it – here’s what some others said:- “Best breakfast ever! Home cured bacon, home made beans, mighty meaty sausages - so many treats on one plate. Will be back with some fairies” …T from Kippings Cross, (loves a mighty meaty sausage) “Great ride and top breakfast” VD from Paddock Wood “Great ride route & First class Breakfast – well done” DiC from Sicily Des (absolutely no connection with the Daily Bread proprietor, no sir, not at all, pure coincidence) McElroy. |
The over 50 gay section of the cycling club
Another bottle of Rose Garcon; where did all this wine come from?
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The Platinum Panther comes out on top at the V02 sportive
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Yes it was a fine day at the wheel for all us vo2 ers we had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun .
I was a lone rider on the day as I turned up late but had a platinum plum of a day. A bit of exercise followed by the rugby back at HQ , culminating in a nice to Pisa shambollock meeting where we talked about taxis and ferries and Tour guides and not much about cycling! Well done to Desimond for doing the long route in a scintillatingly fast time (but not platinum) A well organised event well done to all my fellow chasers shame Trevor and Chris could not make it. I understand that Trevor is auditioning for a role as a strictly come dancing judge with his vast knowledge of dance techniques picked up his daughters event! Speedy Vidal aka the Platinum Panther (boy I was so quick the 120km felt like 65! ) 
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105 Neal Turner Chequers Racers 120km M 03:35:48.85 Platinum 197 Des Mcelroy Chequers Racers 120km M 05:38:07.55 Silver 62 Nick Thomson Chequers Racers 65km M 02:45:47.95 Silver 459 Darren Bentham Chequers Racers 65km M 03:01:58.70 Bronze 119 Mark Hill Chequers Racers 65km M 03:06:16.05 Bronze
Chequers Racers close to a podium finish at the Kentish Killer 23rd Feb 2014 - Des fills us in on the fine detail
We cycled up lots of hills and it was very windy.
Desmond, aged 6 1/2 Editors note: A great result from all that attended, v proud of Mark Hill aka John Griffiths who managed a blistering average of 8.7mph.
NB: The hardcore team on the long route were beaten by 32 girls and 9 over 60's whilst the shorter team were overtaken by only 6 over 60's but 41 girls. Buck your ideas up chaps or lie about your age/gender. Their times and certificates of completion are below. Unfortunately, despite entering, the more elite members of the team were injured or otherwise engaged in other activities namely; Neal, Trev, Chris, Dr Mark, Mooro, Dom and Neal again. All photos nicked from Sportivephoto.com if you want an original go there, put in your race number and see all your pictures.
Dr Mark AKA John
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Curly
Rob
Des
Darren
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Hardcore results
Girls and sweaty results
Ride4Joshua Sunday 2nd Feb 2014
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First of the “spring classics”, this is a tough 42 miler with about 3.5k feet of lumpy stuff. Mostly decent country lanes and “B” roads, though a nasty “gravel trap” all across one lane towards the end, and heavy traffic on the final run-in, with, of course, the usual smattering of knob head drivers. It’s a low key ride, no chip timing etc and maybe only 100 or so entrants, starting from the palatial Warren near Bromley.
Four of us (Harry, Curly, Steve Parish and myself - sweaty sock Des) made the start out of the eight or so original entrants who attended the alternative Drink4Caroline event (still waiting for sick-notes, boys, otherwise it’s the forfeit…) on a very welcome dry and bright morning….. ….a wee bit of background now…since I started cycling “properly” three years ago, I’ve had only two punctures ever…... so of course, after 2 miles, it was the perfect time to get my third, compounded by snapping the valve tip off the replacement tube….so by the time we (Harry waited/had a rest, cheers mate, nothing to do with me having the car….) got going again, we were well and truly at the back of the bunch (now we know how John feels), though we started picking off fellow puncture-ees quite quickly. First challenge was the super steep ramp at Downe, easily 2 or 3% but only short, a real thigh burner! |
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Then it was down Star Hill, across the A25 and the drag up to Ide Hill for the food stop. This was only 15 miles in, so too early really, though we stopped for a pish and a lump of flapjack (poo).
Then on down a gusty Hubbards Hill to the flatlands, Bough Beech, direction….all a bit of a drag, into the wind, through a flood, and all very lonely…we did pass Moore-o’s pub from last years Vo2 ( allegedly there’s now a sign saying “Cyclists f*** off”).
After the turn north, we at least had the wind behind us and the sun on our backs as we headed up Crockham Hill and over the A25 again at Limpsfield, then on to the dreaded Titsey Hill (not as lovely as it sounds) where Harry and I shared our intense physical experience…….
…….both crocked by cramp in our quads, necessitating a stop half way up, and a further stop for me after my pump fell off! ....this all repeated on the next climb (well, apart from the pump thing). Neither of us had experienced this before….honestly, unclipping and getting off was a mission. When I tried to straighten a leg, I yelped with pain (didn’t cry, though) and it took a good couple of minutes gentle stretching and rubbing one another each time to shift the cramps. So in the end, I was reasonably happy but a bit stiff, after a week and a half lay-off due to the snots and a few beers the night before, to finish with Harry in 3:19 (that’s moving time).
Steve P was the star with a time of 2:54, with Curly a few minutes later about the 3 hour mark.
….so downwards and backwards, bring on the Kentish Killer!!
Des (waiting for internment back to Glasgow) McElroy
Shirt design is decided
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Our resident brand guru Nick Thompson got his people (Mark Smith, Design Director at Brand Union) to design a classic Italian shirt for this years tour and has come up trumps once again. Delivering a powder blue shirt akin to those old Italian jerseys from the days cyclists caught trains, threw tacks and took copious amounts of drugs to compete. And yes, The Chequers Racers mean to recreate those days in the same spirit! 
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And the winner is...Nice to Pisa May 2014
Yes, the votes are in and counted and the winner for our May cycling trip in 2014 is the one from Neal & Stan aka The Magical Mystery Tour from Nice to Pisa. A leisurely ride through the Italian countryside and beaches of Southern Italy, with a couple of hills thrown in for good measure.
Fool if you Think it’s Over…the Fools’ Errand II, 7 April 2013. (aka, “Lost in Kent”, or “You Can go Your Own Way” ….)
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V02 ride report
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Our man on the spot, Neal Turner, provides an insight into riding with our "A" team at V02 sportive. Gratuitously edited and embellished by me.
As I arrived at HQ in my Hair wagon, bike rack on the back, Ian rode up looking bleary eyed but keen for the ride, he muttered something about never having a puncture and how he would not know what to do if he did, then sniggered and we set off for registration. When we arrived we rode roughshod into the car park ignoring the race marshalls advice about parking there as it was full. After registration we fumbled about trying to pin our numbers on our backs , Ians pin fell off and his race number flapped about in the wind, much to my amusement and his annoyanc , he was outraged that they did not have a female marshall to pin it on for him . We set off at a ridiculous pace and in true Chequers style forgot about the others; Mark, Nick, Trev and Chris. Ian was heard muttering something about them catching us up. Mooro was riding majestically when all of a sudden PFFFTT, his front tyre had blown and he screamed for help. |
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The others who had caught us up came back to see an ashen faced Ian struggling with his front wheel, he said that his zip was rusted up on his cycle bag so could he borrow a tyre leaver .
Trev said turn your bike over, I said NO put it on the grass which was on a incllne so you don't rip your seat on the gravel , Ian watched Trev skilllfully (really?) set about the job like a surgeon with a scalpel. At this point the bike fell SMACK full on to the rear mech, we got the tyre sorted with Ian still observing and off we sped, Ian muttered something about why me?Guys like me don't get punctures. He then got two more punctures then threw the towel in and went off to the nearest pub; the Greyhound at Charcott. He then muttered something about come and pick us up Turner when you have finished. After puncture number three Dr Mark, ignoring his hippocratic oath, and sleazy Councillor Thomson Moultoned the remainder of the team. Thomson was later seen watching his "flock" have babies - sordid. I rode on with Saint Trev who then immediately Moultoned me; thankfully restoring the equilibrium in the Chequers Force which had strangely gone out of alignment. My chain jammed, so (inexplicably) I rang Lord Moore of Greyhound, who was jostling with the bar staff and sort of laughing , I don't know if it was at my plight or whether he was telling them his best joke to impress the locals. Half way round we had a coffee and bacon roll with Barry (? - Ed) Anyway I got my chain back on and finished the sportive tired and frozen. On returning to pick up Ian (he looked suprisingly well fed and lubricated) he then proceeded to ask me to get his bag so he could pay the landlady. Despite having been out in the cold for 4 hours, I trudged back to my car carrying his bike! |
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I made him put the bike on the rack which he begrudgingly did and we set off home. Five minutes into the journey, weak bladdered Moore was shifting in his seat rocking backwards and forwards and we were soon stopping so that he could make room for more isotonic recovery drink.
We arrived back at HQ, had a couple of beers which he generously bought, he got his bike and we both went our seperate ways. All in all a eventful and good ride - Vidal. Post script Ladykiller Chris "The Heff" Willis Moultoned everyone immediately in pursuit of a ladybiker; he was never seen again. Those others that entered but didn't make it were hardy Scot Des, who couldn't do the race because he had a sniffle, and Dominic had to take his mum out. |
Results of the V02 2013 after; 45 mins bacon sarnie, coffee and chit chat time with Barry, 30 mins for 2 puncture stops and 10 mins finding and grouping into true Chequers peleton style.
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Our roving reporter Vidal (AKA Neal Turner) is organising a Triathlon to raise money for Great Ormond Street Hospital. Enter or find out about it here. |
Tony's Story
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Tony X, once described as a shy retiring chap, has been unceremonisously dumped from the cycling club and has been forced to find another club. He said " I was so fond of dressing up in lycra and cycling close to the boys, helping out where I can with pumping and tools. They loved my pumping...". Most of the team were unavailable for comment but we did manage to track down one Racer, who wishes to remain anonymous " he just stopped making an appearance, he was there one day and gone the next". He went on to say " I was in a room with him in Spain, a cupboard I think, he had a wonderful firm but light touch and very soft skin". No one seems to know why this has happened to him but it is clear that feelings for him run deep. As for his new career, Tony seems more boyant, " I am still in the cycling business working for MillCorp in their sales team, it's a very rewarding and satisfying career. They have their own cycling club and their training regime seems much more relaxed, a lot more focused on watching cycling, going to the pub and eating chips, they hardly cycle at all. I have put on a few pounds and made a new friend of a guy named John down the pub; he told me he's a racing driver". I am sure we will hear more of Tony's exploits in the future and in the meantime why not check out the free* services that that MillCorp offers. *not free |
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Mallorca tour on the rocks
Pedals & Thomson
“Thomson is losing grip on his team”; this was the overriding comment from the spontaneous EGM last night after the “pedalgate “scandal broke.
Thomson aged 49, was in the spotlight after witnesses claimed they had seen him lose control of his technical Operations manager, Heff the Teff aged 49. The Teff was accused of ordering bikes without pedals and was seen to fly into a rage which saw at least two people unable to walk in a straight line at the end of the evening. Talks broke down when the Teff accused Councillor Thomson of “already knowing” and at one stage team members were seen drinking vodka, no doubt to calm their worn nerves. This reporter feels that Teff is under a lot of pressure to resolve the issue and we understand that steps are being undertaken to get this thing back on track after careering out of control. It’s fair to say that Teff was the focus of some serious “ribbing” but more importantly Thomson appears to have lost control of this crucial sub committee. Thomson’s position could be described as untenable but sorting this out could save him.
Previous COO Ian Moore aged 49, said “this sort of debacle never happened during my tenure”, other members described Moore’s state as “furious”. Controversially, Moore was firmly in the centre of the “mountaingate” scandal earlier this year which he attempted to cover up with the statement “details, details”. We caught up with one member of the team in a grey Fiesta, who was more candid, “the reality is that whilst the tour was excellent, the route navigation was at best shambolic . The team lost faith after the 10th climb on the flat day and the suggestion that we should simply head to the beach I thought was ridiculous, though some said it was inspired.” Moore was unavailable for comment.
Related to this was the controversial debate on carrying pedals in hand baggage. It was confirmed yesterday, during a meeting with UK Borders Agency that pedals are NOT permitted in hand luggage on account that they may “spin a bit”. However, a new service has emerged to tackle this problem head on. MillCorp offer a ground breaking pedal specific carrier service, their CEO aged 27, explained how it works. “Pedals are collected from MillCorp House in Laddingford and carefully swaddled in brightly coloured undercrackers. They are then packed into the owners personal rented space, where they are organically valeted, fed and watered, reaching their destination in perfect condition.” MillCorp only charge a mere £10 for the service which is remarkable given that they are the only sanctioned pedal carrier in the UK. Any other persons offering a similar service are not able to carry pedals legitimately and pedal smuggling carries a mandatory 13 years. Their CEO aged 23 continued, “space is running out fast so I suggest that people confirm their spot ASAP by mailing us direct or visiting our website”.
Once again, the controversial Chequers Racers cycling club are in the spotlight but not for the right reasons. It is abundantly clear that they could be the best team in the history of professional cycling if Leaver & Leaver, Directeur’s Sportif, can get their house in order.
As far as Thomson is concerned, let’s hope that another issue like not being able to take water bottles in hand baggage does not surface, or this could be disastrous for him.
Next week...bottlegate
Thomson aged 49, was in the spotlight after witnesses claimed they had seen him lose control of his technical Operations manager, Heff the Teff aged 49. The Teff was accused of ordering bikes without pedals and was seen to fly into a rage which saw at least two people unable to walk in a straight line at the end of the evening. Talks broke down when the Teff accused Councillor Thomson of “already knowing” and at one stage team members were seen drinking vodka, no doubt to calm their worn nerves. This reporter feels that Teff is under a lot of pressure to resolve the issue and we understand that steps are being undertaken to get this thing back on track after careering out of control. It’s fair to say that Teff was the focus of some serious “ribbing” but more importantly Thomson appears to have lost control of this crucial sub committee. Thomson’s position could be described as untenable but sorting this out could save him.
Previous COO Ian Moore aged 49, said “this sort of debacle never happened during my tenure”, other members described Moore’s state as “furious”. Controversially, Moore was firmly in the centre of the “mountaingate” scandal earlier this year which he attempted to cover up with the statement “details, details”. We caught up with one member of the team in a grey Fiesta, who was more candid, “the reality is that whilst the tour was excellent, the route navigation was at best shambolic . The team lost faith after the 10th climb on the flat day and the suggestion that we should simply head to the beach I thought was ridiculous, though some said it was inspired.” Moore was unavailable for comment.
Related to this was the controversial debate on carrying pedals in hand baggage. It was confirmed yesterday, during a meeting with UK Borders Agency that pedals are NOT permitted in hand luggage on account that they may “spin a bit”. However, a new service has emerged to tackle this problem head on. MillCorp offer a ground breaking pedal specific carrier service, their CEO aged 27, explained how it works. “Pedals are collected from MillCorp House in Laddingford and carefully swaddled in brightly coloured undercrackers. They are then packed into the owners personal rented space, where they are organically valeted, fed and watered, reaching their destination in perfect condition.” MillCorp only charge a mere £10 for the service which is remarkable given that they are the only sanctioned pedal carrier in the UK. Any other persons offering a similar service are not able to carry pedals legitimately and pedal smuggling carries a mandatory 13 years. Their CEO aged 23 continued, “space is running out fast so I suggest that people confirm their spot ASAP by mailing us direct or visiting our website”.
Once again, the controversial Chequers Racers cycling club are in the spotlight but not for the right reasons. It is abundantly clear that they could be the best team in the history of professional cycling if Leaver & Leaver, Directeur’s Sportif, can get their house in order.
As far as Thomson is concerned, let’s hope that another issue like not being able to take water bottles in hand baggage does not surface, or this could be disastrous for him.
Next week...bottlegate
STOP PRESS...
The team were recently outraged by comments from Heff the Teff after being described as “talkers rather than doers”. Recent reports suggest that an emergency meeting of the DD has been convened and they are already determining the fate of the disgraced Teff as we went to press. Watch this space.
Bradley's choice was Mallorca
Wiggo could have been a Chequers Racer
After a wonderful Asturian stew and quite a few shandies, presentations were given for options for the 2013 trip. A hard fought battle saw the likes of France, Italy and Germany bite the dust, and following a landslide victory, The Chequers Racers decided that for their 2013 ride they would cycle the coastline of Mallorca under the steady hand of Councillor Thomson with a record number of 17 domestique's in support.
Mallorca is widely regarded as a cyclists' paradise. With its year-round warm, sunny climate, long mid-gradient climbs and well-maintained roads relatively free of traffic, thousands of mile-hungry tourists flock there each year to sample what they've been missing out on at home.
Most of the world's top professional cycling teams hold pre-season training camps on the slopes of this island and The Chequers Racers were very privileged to be asked (sort of but not) to join the Sky team to train with them. Dave Brailsford said, " I have never seen such a bunch of fat, useless tossers in my life, they don't even look like they could get on a bike, particularly that hairy one over there and the giant". Leaver, the team Directeur Sportif said "what Dave meant is that he is actively recruiting for the Sky team with the goal of winning the Tour a second year in a row, he's thinking ahead and our lads are the obvious choice. Granted, they could do with some training but he did say that he might consider the gobby midget and the silent moody looking one."
Elite rider Griffiths said "Wiggins and Cavendish better watch out, i'm in the best form of my life and we now have two new signings, Keith & Les who can take anyone in a sprint finish, mountain or flat". Griffiths is not without controversy, he joined the Racers after allegedlly 'bothering' the Chequers Chasers and has been at the centre of a 'beering' scandal. Their loss is the Racers gain.
So brush off your cream buns and stock up on EPO, fags and tandems - we're off to Mah-jork-a!
Mallorca is widely regarded as a cyclists' paradise. With its year-round warm, sunny climate, long mid-gradient climbs and well-maintained roads relatively free of traffic, thousands of mile-hungry tourists flock there each year to sample what they've been missing out on at home.
Most of the world's top professional cycling teams hold pre-season training camps on the slopes of this island and The Chequers Racers were very privileged to be asked (sort of but not) to join the Sky team to train with them. Dave Brailsford said, " I have never seen such a bunch of fat, useless tossers in my life, they don't even look like they could get on a bike, particularly that hairy one over there and the giant". Leaver, the team Directeur Sportif said "what Dave meant is that he is actively recruiting for the Sky team with the goal of winning the Tour a second year in a row, he's thinking ahead and our lads are the obvious choice. Granted, they could do with some training but he did say that he might consider the gobby midget and the silent moody looking one."
Elite rider Griffiths said "Wiggins and Cavendish better watch out, i'm in the best form of my life and we now have two new signings, Keith & Les who can take anyone in a sprint finish, mountain or flat". Griffiths is not without controversy, he joined the Racers after allegedlly 'bothering' the Chequers Chasers and has been at the centre of a 'beering' scandal. Their loss is the Racers gain.
So brush off your cream buns and stock up on EPO, fags and tandems - we're off to Mah-jork-a!
Zoiks!
Boo!
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Yay!
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The Chequers Racers come first!!!!!
Yes, it's true! The greatest cycling club in Kent has finally come first...in the decorate a flowerpot competition!!!!
Our gallant cyclist, Des McElroy valiantly held off all other contenders (none) and took the top prize for the team. Des commented, "I spent many nights, after my wife had gone to bed, doing lots and lots of research on the internet; I almost went blind". Des went on, "during one of the more furious, sweaty, episodes of research it came to me, the relief was immense", "that moment inspired me to paint a flower pot in the Chequers Racers colours".
Des then spent about 5 minutes painting a pot and sticking bike bits in some sand and it was done. Des said, "whilst the build and paint part of the project was relatively simple, like I said to my wife, the real effort was in all the buffing". Mrs Des said "night after night, all I could hear was a lot of panting and rubbing but the results speak for themselves; he has one of shiniest cassettes in Kent".
Des celebrated with a few beers and was last seen driving towards East Peckham in a grey Fiesta shouting "off to do some research for next year".
We congratulate Des on his first win for the Chequers Racers - well done Des!
Our gallant cyclist, Des McElroy valiantly held off all other contenders (none) and took the top prize for the team. Des commented, "I spent many nights, after my wife had gone to bed, doing lots and lots of research on the internet; I almost went blind". Des went on, "during one of the more furious, sweaty, episodes of research it came to me, the relief was immense", "that moment inspired me to paint a flower pot in the Chequers Racers colours".
Des then spent about 5 minutes painting a pot and sticking bike bits in some sand and it was done. Des said, "whilst the build and paint part of the project was relatively simple, like I said to my wife, the real effort was in all the buffing". Mrs Des said "night after night, all I could hear was a lot of panting and rubbing but the results speak for themselves; he has one of shiniest cassettes in Kent".
Des celebrated with a few beers and was last seen driving towards East Peckham in a grey Fiesta shouting "off to do some research for next year".
We congratulate Des on his first win for the Chequers Racers - well done Des!
The Circuit of Kent Sportive (…or how Vidal got “moultoned”…)
Sunday 9 Sept, 2012, one of the hottest days of the whole summer, Neal and I lined up at Sevenoaks Prep School in Godden Green for our first Circuit of Kent. There were two routes to choose from, 80k and 130k - I opted for the long one on the logical basis that I knew nearly all the route, and therefore it would be easy. The others (we picked up George at Crouch) foolishly followed……
So off we headed through Stone, down the Shipbourne Road (lovely!) through Dunks Green and up Roughway, the first hill of the day. We know this one well from our Plaxtol excursions, but whereas we usually turn right at the top and therefore down, this time we went left and carried on up towards Crouch, which made it a good bit tougher (people were walking already!)
From there, the route was very (maybe too) familiar…Offham, the Mallings, down to Teston, over the level crossing and up the little kicker then down to Yalding (not my favourite downhill, but a chance for George to show some nice technique!), down to Claygate where we split off on our extra loop – Marden, Staplehurst and first food stop at about 36 miles near Frittenden. At this point, the speedy boys were coming back the other way at an impossible speed – we wished them well at dope control ;-).
Lunch, btw, was a choice of bananas, bourbon creams, or little sponge cakes...
So on via Sissinghurst and back on ourselves to Staplehurst and the hill up to Curtisden Green. It was at this point that Vidal started to complain of cramp, so much so that at the bottom of the hill he shouted something to me like “ mutter mutter blah blah, just carry on!” ..to which I called back “mutter, blah see you at the top!”, and of course, dear reader, that never happened.
In the best tradition, (and being the compassionate one as befits a part-time Catholic), I waited 30 seconds at the top before scooting off (to be fair, Vidal texted to say he was still alive), and I did briefly consider going back on the basis that if he was in a ditch, I could at least get the good bits off his bike, but we’re the Chequers Racers…so on, on!!
There was another food stop at Pearsons Green Road (same menu, but no bananas left and cyclists actually fighting for shade now) where Neal did catch us up…. again, in the best club tradition, just as we were leaving. As he still had all his limbs and major organs, we left without him.
Up Castle Hill, down Pixot Hill (lovely part 2!!) through a spookily quiet Laddingford, what with HQ closed due to a gathering of country folk nearby, back through Hadlow to Shipbourne, where George peeled off to recharge his pacemaker.
So that left me on my own-some for the last 4 miles with the climb back up to Godden Green. …..Carter Hill!.….now I’m not exaggerating but this was stupid beyond belief, like three Yalding Hills piled on top of each other – this after 80 miles! I kept pedalling ‘till after the photographer, realised I wasn’t gaining on the guy 20 yards ahead who was walking, thought to myself “this is a f’*king stupid, p%xy thing to be trying at my age” and got off and walked – and by so doing, caught the guy walking (small victories!).
So there we go…official time of 5:55, sneaking in for a bronze somehow, at an average of 14.6 mph, which for me is pretty good. Chatting to others, I think those that were new to the area enjoyed it more, I guess we get spoiled by the familiarity of the countryside, but all in all, a good and well organised ride, great sign posting and some lovely grub at the end. Only spoilt for me by the stupid hill at the end (the answer of course, must be a new bike….or stronger legs….or to start getting younger instead of older…..or not to enter sportifs with stupid hills at the end) which I now must go back and tackle afresh sometime soon….…
As a final postscript, I met up with George at The Carpenters Arms for a beer….we did wonder how Neal was, but then thought, well, frankly, who gives a damn?...he’s never been seen or heard of since, so good day all round and mine’s a pint of Harveys, thanks.
Des
Post script
Other Chequers Racers were, ahem, busily drinking beer and eating grilled food from a BBQ locally when we got the message from a reliable source (Mrs Vidal) that Neal whilst resting to tackle his cramp, had simply decided that sunbathing was a better idea than cycling!
So off we headed through Stone, down the Shipbourne Road (lovely!) through Dunks Green and up Roughway, the first hill of the day. We know this one well from our Plaxtol excursions, but whereas we usually turn right at the top and therefore down, this time we went left and carried on up towards Crouch, which made it a good bit tougher (people were walking already!)
From there, the route was very (maybe too) familiar…Offham, the Mallings, down to Teston, over the level crossing and up the little kicker then down to Yalding (not my favourite downhill, but a chance for George to show some nice technique!), down to Claygate where we split off on our extra loop – Marden, Staplehurst and first food stop at about 36 miles near Frittenden. At this point, the speedy boys were coming back the other way at an impossible speed – we wished them well at dope control ;-).
Lunch, btw, was a choice of bananas, bourbon creams, or little sponge cakes...
So on via Sissinghurst and back on ourselves to Staplehurst and the hill up to Curtisden Green. It was at this point that Vidal started to complain of cramp, so much so that at the bottom of the hill he shouted something to me like “ mutter mutter blah blah, just carry on!” ..to which I called back “mutter, blah see you at the top!”, and of course, dear reader, that never happened.
In the best tradition, (and being the compassionate one as befits a part-time Catholic), I waited 30 seconds at the top before scooting off (to be fair, Vidal texted to say he was still alive), and I did briefly consider going back on the basis that if he was in a ditch, I could at least get the good bits off his bike, but we’re the Chequers Racers…so on, on!!
There was another food stop at Pearsons Green Road (same menu, but no bananas left and cyclists actually fighting for shade now) where Neal did catch us up…. again, in the best club tradition, just as we were leaving. As he still had all his limbs and major organs, we left without him.
Up Castle Hill, down Pixot Hill (lovely part 2!!) through a spookily quiet Laddingford, what with HQ closed due to a gathering of country folk nearby, back through Hadlow to Shipbourne, where George peeled off to recharge his pacemaker.
So that left me on my own-some for the last 4 miles with the climb back up to Godden Green. …..Carter Hill!.….now I’m not exaggerating but this was stupid beyond belief, like three Yalding Hills piled on top of each other – this after 80 miles! I kept pedalling ‘till after the photographer, realised I wasn’t gaining on the guy 20 yards ahead who was walking, thought to myself “this is a f’*king stupid, p%xy thing to be trying at my age” and got off and walked – and by so doing, caught the guy walking (small victories!).
So there we go…official time of 5:55, sneaking in for a bronze somehow, at an average of 14.6 mph, which for me is pretty good. Chatting to others, I think those that were new to the area enjoyed it more, I guess we get spoiled by the familiarity of the countryside, but all in all, a good and well organised ride, great sign posting and some lovely grub at the end. Only spoilt for me by the stupid hill at the end (the answer of course, must be a new bike….or stronger legs….or to start getting younger instead of older…..or not to enter sportifs with stupid hills at the end) which I now must go back and tackle afresh sometime soon….…
As a final postscript, I met up with George at The Carpenters Arms for a beer….we did wonder how Neal was, but then thought, well, frankly, who gives a damn?...he’s never been seen or heard of since, so good day all round and mine’s a pint of Harveys, thanks.
Des
Post script
Other Chequers Racers were, ahem, busily drinking beer and eating grilled food from a BBQ locally when we got the message from a reliable source (Mrs Vidal) that Neal whilst resting to tackle his cramp, had simply decided that sunbathing was a better idea than cycling!
Kent Sportive post script
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Other Chequers Racers were, ahem, busily drinking beer and eating grilled food when we got the message from a reliable source (Mrs Vidal) that Neal whilst resting to tackle his cramp, had simply decided that sunbathing was a better idea than cycling!
He later turned up and proceeded to eat his bodyweight in sausages and cider; a true Chequers racer. Neal we are very proud of you! A word from NealThe cyclo was fun until I seized up with the dreaded cramp after 50 miles, I quite enjoyed laying on a grass verge soaking up the sun wishing i had done the shorter distance , I got overtaken by a few walkers as I sped on at a snail’s pace ,only to be confronted by Carters bloody Hill. At this point I started to feel a bit dizzy and sort of p*ssed off by anything to do with cycling. Yes you are right Des, it was easier and quicker to walk up sodding carter hill. I had a nice cheese sandwich at the end and treated my weary legs to a massage. Drove home feeling a bit queasy and went round big Steve’s for a barbecue, I made a speedy recovery after a beer or two vowed not to cycle for quite a while, oh by the way is anyone out this Wednesday night ? Over and out Vidal the crimper or cramper.
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Cycling with the enemy
Girls bikes
…aka San Fairy Ann Sportif in aid of Kent Air Ambulance, 7 May 2012.
On the only decent day of the bank holiday weekend, 5 Racers (well 4 plus one with divided loyalties, it wouldn’t be fair to identify this splitter, so let’s just call him “Tony”…) lined up in Marden for this ride of approx 73 miles.
It was pleasingly old school, no micro-chips, manual time keeping with tokens picked up at two checkpoints, probably about 230 riders.
The route took us straight up Hunton Hill, (thankfully that was as high as we got), then way out past Sutton Valance and Chilston Manor, before heading down through Pluckley towards Tenterden then on to Rye.
Speedy boys Trevor and Chris, who couldn’t organise a printer or get themselves to registration without some hand-holding and so started at the back, caught Team Orbea (Des, Darren and Tony) just after Tenterden, followed shortly by our first mishap.…Darren had a blow out, caused, interestingly – (no, really!!) by a hole in the wheel rim tape which allowed the tube to push against the spoke hole!! Team Orbea covered the rim hole with a patch, fitted a new tube and off we went….
The previous week, the Racers who did the Rye run will remember the slog along The Military Road towards Appledore, into a headwind and driving rain – we did the same on this ride but the weather was MUCH better! The food stop was half way along, then it was straight up a hill and back through Smallhythe and Tenterden to Goudhurst and finally Marden.
Altogether a very civilised ride, a few challenging little hills but nothing silly, and all on proper roads – i.e. no silly narrow lanes covered in muck and gravel with blind bends and no room for other traffic – other sportif organisers please note!!
…and as for the SFA bunch, they come over as quite a decent lot, friendly, helpful and well organised – I’m sure it's just a ruse to sucker in guys like us so they can steal our internal organs…
Des
On the only decent day of the bank holiday weekend, 5 Racers (well 4 plus one with divided loyalties, it wouldn’t be fair to identify this splitter, so let’s just call him “Tony”…) lined up in Marden for this ride of approx 73 miles.
It was pleasingly old school, no micro-chips, manual time keeping with tokens picked up at two checkpoints, probably about 230 riders.
The route took us straight up Hunton Hill, (thankfully that was as high as we got), then way out past Sutton Valance and Chilston Manor, before heading down through Pluckley towards Tenterden then on to Rye.
Speedy boys Trevor and Chris, who couldn’t organise a printer or get themselves to registration without some hand-holding and so started at the back, caught Team Orbea (Des, Darren and Tony) just after Tenterden, followed shortly by our first mishap.…Darren had a blow out, caused, interestingly – (no, really!!) by a hole in the wheel rim tape which allowed the tube to push against the spoke hole!! Team Orbea covered the rim hole with a patch, fitted a new tube and off we went….
The previous week, the Racers who did the Rye run will remember the slog along The Military Road towards Appledore, into a headwind and driving rain – we did the same on this ride but the weather was MUCH better! The food stop was half way along, then it was straight up a hill and back through Smallhythe and Tenterden to Goudhurst and finally Marden.
Altogether a very civilised ride, a few challenging little hills but nothing silly, and all on proper roads – i.e. no silly narrow lanes covered in muck and gravel with blind bends and no room for other traffic – other sportif organisers please note!!
…and as for the SFA bunch, they come over as quite a decent lot, friendly, helpful and well organised – I’m sure it's just a ruse to sucker in guys like us so they can steal our internal organs…
Des
Hard training for Spain
As you can imagine, with over 600 miles and 50,000 feet of climbing over just two days the team are hard training for the Spanish trip. We have tried very hard to come up with a name for the trip and have settled on "The Siesta".
As you can see, the lads are taking it all very seriously and after a hard 3 miles ride have settled down to a nice pot of tea.
See you in Spain!
Tour of the Weald 8th April 2012
The Tour of The Weald (TOTW) enticed 5 Chequers Racers this Easter Sunday. The rain gently fell and there was the usual dilemma "What do we wear?" as with all our sportives things don't always go to plan.
Neal decided to have a few extra minutes in bed with Mrs Turner and then have only two bowls of CoCo Pops and failed to make the 7.15am rv at HQ. Stan, Ian and Harry decided to go and phoned Neal to pick up NIck from his house. A few minutes later Neal phoned. "I'm in Symonds Lane, where's his house?"..... "It's in Yalding Neal not Symonds Lane". We eventually register at race HQ in Staplehurst. Stan had to cycle quickly back to where he had parked as there was an imminent threat of clamping. Despite the frantic waves of the starter Stan managed to cycle over the start line activating his chip time even before the race had started !!! We kick off 30 mins later than planned. Surprisingly the 100k course led to no mishaps for the quintet. A respectable pace was maintained throughout. The early hills of Weirton and Barn got everyone puffing, Ian's family and Stan's missus cheered us through the village as the rain ebbed away. We stopped for a food stop at the 59k point in Biddenden, Stan went for a natural break down a footpath to be accompanied by a Kent Velo girl who with no inhibitions and joined him and having a chat passing the time of day. Arrival at the finish at 1.30pm gave The Racers an acceptable time of 5hrs. Beer, pies and medals along with exaggerated tales of speed and hill climbs ensued followed by our intrepid athletes going home and falling asleep infront of the Easter Sunday film 'Mary Poppins'. On the subject of Mary Poppins and Dick Van Dyke we wonder how Chris and Steve are getting on skiing?
Tour of the Weald results
The Fools Errand 1st April 2012
About 150 riders, but only 1 Chequers Racer, started this sportive at Wrotham on a cold, sunny Sunday morning…the usual dilemma, what’s a boy to wear?..thought I’d tough it out in bare legs and right enough, it did warm up as the sun strengthened, tan lines coming along nicely, thanks.
The route was mostly very attractive- some lovely undulating countryside up on the North Downs and a particularly beautiful view over Eynsford/Lullingstone later in the ride. One section did run parallel to the M25, which was a bit rubbish, and for me, there were too many narrow, single track roads with gravel and muck down the middle. Most of the descents were likewise on narrow, twisty roads...my brakes sure got a good work out…and you had to be on the look out for the direction signs, no marshals on the route.
Two very big hills to get up in the latter stages, i.e. after 45 or so miles of steady ups and downs.. Toys Hill first, then Rowdow, at Otford about 8 miles later…pleased to say that despite my trepidation, I made it up both, which pleased me no end…!
The last 6 miles were pretty tough, partly because it was way beyond my normal distance and also, despite being “up” on the downs, it was all up and down again with a couple of short steep sections, one of which did defeat me…despite all that, it’s the closest I’ve come to enjoying one of these events.
…after 5 and a bit hours of cycling time, 72.3 miles and 4,100ft of climbing, this very tired Racer made it back to race HQ for a lovely bowl of chilli and as much fruit and cereal bars as anyone could want.
In summary, challenging but I guess more “do-able” than the Hell or the Killer, a very well organised ride, interesting route, great facilities - plenty of parking and a decent size rest/meet area had it been wet, lovely food all for £30…definitely recommend it for next year.
Fools Errand website
Des, (the Lone Racer).
VO2 Sportive
Oh dear!
The Hell of The Ashdown
Two left feet, well right...
Three Racers applied.......two rode...both JUST survived...one pulled out after a mysterious shoe incident....
Yes, it was the Hell of The Ashdown and our interpid riders, Barry, Chris & Neal took on the challenge. Chris replaced Des whose knee was giving him gyp.
Barry conquered the event with no problems at all, as expected, the cycling robot that he is. He sort of muttered something about one hill being a bit "long" but that was it. Understated - yes, miserable - yes, darned good cyclist - yes.
Talking of good cyclists, Chris had a slightly more "eventful" sportive. Chris was more descriptive about his experience - "Was it Hell?? Well it was very very hilly as you would expect...didn’t realise there were so many long long long hill on our doorstep and they found and used all of them!!
Not made any easier by the fact that I (aka Des) had a puncture and then a spoke in the rear wheel snapped leaving the wheel totally out of alignment with about an inch of lateral play after only 10km. I chose to bend the broken spoke around the other spokes on the rear wheel in order to be able to continue but also had to disconnect the rear brake so that the wheel would rotate. A bit hairy going down some on the hills with only a front brake and considerable rear wobble!!! Anyway I managed to complete the route in a fair 4hr 6mins which given all the problems wasn’t a bad time. "
"Would I recommend it?? Well not with a broken bike but otherwise if you like a challenge you would probably “enjoy it....I think we need to have a chat about the Spain route!!!"
And what of Neal you ask, well, Neal turned up raring to go with two right shoes. He also had his skirt tucked into his pants and his shirt on back to front.
Neal commented "Yes I was waiting for this, it was the hell of the two right shoes I will never live it down. I did speak to some bloke who said he forgot to bring his wheel once; we all make mistakes it's just that mine are more frequent. My back was hurting anyway, the good lord works in mysterious ways. Well done to Chris and Barry, I hope to do it next year, shoes permitting!"
Neal is spening the next few weeks sewing labels into his clothing and marking his footwear L & R, just in case!
Big cheers to them all, even Neal, who despite a bad back, was going to do it anyway. And a special well done to Des who got a superb time effortlessly!
Yes, it was the Hell of The Ashdown and our interpid riders, Barry, Chris & Neal took on the challenge. Chris replaced Des whose knee was giving him gyp.
Barry conquered the event with no problems at all, as expected, the cycling robot that he is. He sort of muttered something about one hill being a bit "long" but that was it. Understated - yes, miserable - yes, darned good cyclist - yes.
Talking of good cyclists, Chris had a slightly more "eventful" sportive. Chris was more descriptive about his experience - "Was it Hell?? Well it was very very hilly as you would expect...didn’t realise there were so many long long long hill on our doorstep and they found and used all of them!!
Not made any easier by the fact that I (aka Des) had a puncture and then a spoke in the rear wheel snapped leaving the wheel totally out of alignment with about an inch of lateral play after only 10km. I chose to bend the broken spoke around the other spokes on the rear wheel in order to be able to continue but also had to disconnect the rear brake so that the wheel would rotate. A bit hairy going down some on the hills with only a front brake and considerable rear wobble!!! Anyway I managed to complete the route in a fair 4hr 6mins which given all the problems wasn’t a bad time. "
"Would I recommend it?? Well not with a broken bike but otherwise if you like a challenge you would probably “enjoy it....I think we need to have a chat about the Spain route!!!"
And what of Neal you ask, well, Neal turned up raring to go with two right shoes. He also had his skirt tucked into his pants and his shirt on back to front.
Neal commented "Yes I was waiting for this, it was the hell of the two right shoes I will never live it down. I did speak to some bloke who said he forgot to bring his wheel once; we all make mistakes it's just that mine are more frequent. My back was hurting anyway, the good lord works in mysterious ways. Well done to Chris and Barry, I hope to do it next year, shoes permitting!"
Neal is spening the next few weeks sewing labels into his clothing and marking his footwear L & R, just in case!
Big cheers to them all, even Neal, who despite a bad back, was going to do it anyway. And a special well done to Des who got a superb time effortlessly!
Results for the Chequers racers
Spanish Tour 2012
After the sucess of cycling to Paris the chaps are going to Spain next year fully supported by the usual Chequers road crew of Charles and Tracey PLUS the new crew members Keith and Les. We can only describe them as the nutters who are going to drive the van full of bikes to Spain by ferry, which takes an entire day! We are very grateful to them all.
As usual, there are a lot of planning sessions going on down the pub and unfortunately not much cycling!
Talking of cycling...
As usual, there are a lot of planning sessions going on down the pub and unfortunately not much cycling!
Talking of cycling...
Cycling events for 2012
As usual, club members are doing a lot of pre Spain training (some more than others!). This also includes the obligatory sportives. So, if you see the Chequers Racers shirt please cheer us on at the following events:
19th Feb 2012 Kentish Killer
26th Feb 2012 Hell of the Ashdown
18th Mar 2012 VO2 Sportive
19th Feb 2012 Kentish Killer
26th Feb 2012 Hell of the Ashdown
18th Mar 2012 VO2 Sportive
Dec 2011 Kent Cancer Trust Charity Ball
As you may, or may not, be aware our ride to Paris supported this worthwhile charity and we raised just over £36,000. Most of the riders are attending and i'm sure we will all have a jolly nice time!
May 2011 Laddingford to Paris
12th Feb 2011 - Harry's quiz and raffle
Harry covering up his shopping list
Having spent the last month pulling questions from all sorts of sources and trying to verify some of the more dubious and ambiguous ones from other places than Wikipedia, the questions were set and then locked away for security reasons! t is difficult to gauge what questions to ask as there would be such a vast array of knowledge present. Having fun was paramount, but I wanted to create a bit of argument and debate amongst the individual teams.
From Dad's Army to the largest landlocked country in the world the teams battled away on subjects of general knowledge, history, geography, current affairs and entertainment with an 'on the table' picture round.
Two objections were made. The most spoken language on the planet is Mandarin, I accepted Chinese as an answer trying to be compassionate but was accosted in the interval (whilst at urinal number 2) to be told that Chinese is a take away and not a language. OK !!! Fair point !! Appeal upheld and two teams were duly docked a mark each; hey I can admit when I'm wrong. My wonderful assistant "The lovely Debbie McGee" aka Linda and I had debated at length this one as well. The only other objection was the price of a stamp for a UK standard letter. It is 41p and not 42p as the objectioner claimed - his franking machine is wrong !!!!!
Desso's music round got the heads scratching and the regretting of playing their jokers. Next time we want him to sing the questions, with no backing!
There were some rowdy teams in the bar but the threat of 'Big Steve' soon quelled any insurrection. . . . . . actually it was Chiefy himself ! The interval consisted of a fine burger and chips for all participants and a chance to refill on one of the many real ales Charles had on offer and also buy some raffle tickets as there were stacks of prizes up for grabs. The ultimate winners after a tight race were the 'Bird Brains', a well deserved win.
However not forgetting why we were there. A hundred people attended (the pub ran out of chairs!), raising a grand total of £858.00 .......flipping marvellous! A big thank you to everyone who came, and thank you to Charles, Tracey, Ruth, Faith, Jessica and any other staff in the background for giving so much support and hard work to the evening.
And before I forget, with regard to the picture round those of you that identified Zara Phillips as; Lady Gaga, Joanna Lumley, Linda Lovelace and other indescribable suggestions stand by, your names have been supplied to the Director of Public Prosecutions as it may be treasonable.........if not libellous!
Written by Harry - Quizmaster turned roving reporter
From Dad's Army to the largest landlocked country in the world the teams battled away on subjects of general knowledge, history, geography, current affairs and entertainment with an 'on the table' picture round.
Two objections were made. The most spoken language on the planet is Mandarin, I accepted Chinese as an answer trying to be compassionate but was accosted in the interval (whilst at urinal number 2) to be told that Chinese is a take away and not a language. OK !!! Fair point !! Appeal upheld and two teams were duly docked a mark each; hey I can admit when I'm wrong. My wonderful assistant "The lovely Debbie McGee" aka Linda and I had debated at length this one as well. The only other objection was the price of a stamp for a UK standard letter. It is 41p and not 42p as the objectioner claimed - his franking machine is wrong !!!!!
Desso's music round got the heads scratching and the regretting of playing their jokers. Next time we want him to sing the questions, with no backing!
There were some rowdy teams in the bar but the threat of 'Big Steve' soon quelled any insurrection. . . . . . actually it was Chiefy himself ! The interval consisted of a fine burger and chips for all participants and a chance to refill on one of the many real ales Charles had on offer and also buy some raffle tickets as there were stacks of prizes up for grabs. The ultimate winners after a tight race were the 'Bird Brains', a well deserved win.
However not forgetting why we were there. A hundred people attended (the pub ran out of chairs!), raising a grand total of £858.00 .......flipping marvellous! A big thank you to everyone who came, and thank you to Charles, Tracey, Ruth, Faith, Jessica and any other staff in the background for giving so much support and hard work to the evening.
And before I forget, with regard to the picture round those of you that identified Zara Phillips as; Lady Gaga, Joanna Lumley, Linda Lovelace and other indescribable suggestions stand by, your names have been supplied to the Director of Public Prosecutions as it may be treasonable.........if not libellous!
Written by Harry - Quizmaster turned roving reporter
8th Jan 2011 - Chequers Racers Laddingford to Paris official launch
The evening saw the official fundraising launch of the team of 16 enthusiastic cyclists who will ride to Paris from the Chequers between May 19 - 21. The Racers are paying their own expenses and all funds raised will go to Kent Cancer Trust. The launch was well attended with all 16 racers and their families present. Live music from local band The ReSessions and a live jukebox with guests paying to choose songs for the band to sing were the highlights of the night. Together with a raffle, the evening raised £536. Further fund-raising events have been planned between now and May. Further information from 01622 871288. Donations can be made at www.justgiving.com/The-Chequers-Racers - written by Jenny Scott